ALBAY, Philippines – In a world filled with love spectacles and romantic relationships, many young adults still find themselves asking, “Why am I alone?” While many are familiar with the profound feelings of loss or isolation, only a few truly understand these emotions.
In desperation, and perhaps due to familiarity with such situations, being alone is often associated with feelings of loneliness and abandonment. Although these emotions share a grieving connotation, understanding the distinction between them can aid in navigating emotions and discovering healthier ways to heal.
Lyka Azul, a young adult in her early 20s studying at the College of Arts and Letters of Bicol University, shared how difficult it was to heal after her recent breakup from a three-year relationship. She explained that it took a toll on her mental health and overall well-being, as she felt alone and abandoned while coping with the aftermath of ending her long-term romance.
“I have neglected myself so much to the point where I have almost lost my drive for everything… I was so broken that I thought I would never be able to move forward,” Azul recalled.
While Azul may associate loneliness and abandonment with her breakup, data from a recent study conducted by the Philippine Statistics Authority (PSA) show that about 20% of Filipinos reported feeling lonely and have experienced isolating themselves for at least a week for a variety of reasons.
It showed that many more people across various demographics, particularly the younger generation, are experiencing comparable phenomena to Azul’s, albeit in varying degrees, forms, and causes.
Meanwhile, Ken Andrei Cuarto, a psychometrician and lecturer at the Divine Word College of Legazpi, explained that losing someone or something naturally leads to a grief process, which many Filipinos are now experiencing. He added that this process involves thoughts, emotions, and behaviors and can be difficult to understand, even for mental health professionals.
“We’re not strangers to the grieving process. No matter what the cause may be, the grieving process can be quite overwhelming and draining, so much so that it affects how we function and anticipate what lies ahead. How we experience and navigate grief can either make or break us,” he said.
A similar study conducted by the Philippine Heart Association found that nearly 30% of people who experience chronic loneliness may develop more serious mental health issues, supporting Cuarto’s claims that feelings of loss or abandonment can have a real impact on mental and physical well-being.
Feeling abandoned
Cuarto explained that emotional abandonment comes from feeling a deeper sense of loss after investing a lot of emotional effort and a part of ourselves into others.
“In the context of abandonment and loss, this factor becomes crucial because this connotes that we may have the propensity to experience the effects of abandonment and loss to a greater extent. Of course, this is not because we are weak. Perhaps, it is much better to say that we feel very unsettled amidst abandonment and loss because we often invested so much of ourselves in the things we lost,” Cuarto said.
Many people often realize that no matter how much they protect, sacrifice, and work to make something last, their efforts are just not enough.
“It’s from this experience that the sense of abandonment arises,” according to Azul.
An article on the Psychology Central website explains that individuals can develop abandonment trauma after a particularly painful experience in which they feel neglected or left behind. It noted that suppressing emotions and engaging in codependent relationships often leads people to abandon their own needs in favor of focusing on the needs, desires, and problems of others.
Recognizing that self-abandonment often precedes the feeling of being abandoned by others is difficult but crucial to the healing process.
Although self-abandonment can be exhausting, it can be managed and overcomed by acknowledging emotions and recognizing personal needs. The process starts with making the choice to rebuild self-love and prioritize inner healing.
Collective care
While self-abandonment and the associated mental health difficulties appear to be a process of increasing self-love and personal development, managing and healing from it does not have to be an alone process.
“In Sikolohiyang Pilipino, we always champion the construct of ‘kapwa’ or shared identity. We are, by nature, social beings. However, in the Philippine context, this is magnified because the concept of kapwa is evident in various facets of our daily lives, even in mental health care. A lot of research suggests that Filipinos can adapt to mental health struggles when interventions also emphasize social support,” Cuarto said.
As social beings, he said, humans are wired to seek support from others, especially loved ones, when under stress. This means addressing mental health issues like self-abandonment requires a collective effort to promote and care for mental well-being.
Azul, for her part, said the support from her family and friends helped her cope with feelings of loss and abandonment.
“At first, I was very afraid to share it with my close family and friends, but when everything became unbearable, I sought help, and fortunately they were all there to ensure that I would have the care and support that I needed to survive what I have experienced,” she said. – Rappler.com
(In the Philippines, five hotlines are open 24 hours a day, seven days a week to address confidential and mental health concerns, including the Hope Line, In Touch: Crisis Line, NCMH Crisis Hotline, Bantay Bata Hotline, and Tawag Paglaum – Central Visaya Hotline. These agencies can be contacted by everyone relative to their MH concerns.)
Reinnard Balonzo is a senior journalism student at Bicol University-College of Arts and Letters. An Aries Rufo Journalism Fellow of Rappler for 2024, he is also chairperson of the College Editors Guild of the Philippines-Bicol.
